video; un: liches.get.stitches

[spellslots]

[Today on your screen is everybody's favorite shitty wizard, who's currently sitting in a park somewhere and using mage hand to make sure the camera is at a good angle.

#priorities]

What's up, my dudes? It's ya boy Taako, here to make a super important announcement to save anyone getting their panties in a twist about this shit.

[He's already nailing this whole polite and informative announcement thing.]

Soooo, the people here aren't evil. [Taako shrugs.] It's a fucking revelation, I know, but listen, they're not lying about the whole portal thing and we're not here to be turned into people soup or whatever the hell folks are worried about. I mean, there's for sure some dicks in the bunch so totally not my fault if you get mugged, but uh, the people overall? Have good intentions.

[There's a shrug there, just to finish off his very well-constructed explanation.

Although he should probably also say how he knows this:]

The spirit of some real old and powerful witch told me this shit, bee-tee-dubs, and yeah, before you ask, I know she was telling the truth. That's how the spell works.

[Just take his word for it, folks!

He looks like he's about to hang up, before pausing.]

Uh, right, there's a whole new load of us idiots, isn't there? Hi, I'm Taako, in case you missed it when I said it thirty seconds ago, and that's T-double-A-K-O, not like the food. Sorry to start you off on such a fucking boring note, but here we are. Welcome to Riverview Quarantine or whatever.

[ok bye]

Comments

[eyeforaneye]

I asked for clarification on the spell; identifying it would solve that misunderstanding.

You don't sound confident. [ Who is Superman. ]

[spellslots]

It's called "contact other plane", not my usual wheelhouse but I gave it a shot. You know it?

[@god please give him another wizard to talk magic with]

I wasn't exactly expecting the inquisition here. I'm not gonna be fucking heartbroken or shit if no one believes me, I'm just passing on what I know.

[eyeforaneye]

[ Wait for it. ]

No. [ God is dead. ]

You should still expect the questions. If you're useless, your words are useless. If your words are useless, your information is useless.

[spellslots]

[Rude.]

Oh my god. Did you fucking prepare that line beforehand? That's hilarious.

[So serious! So dramatic!]

[eyeforaneye]

I had to prepare it in order to send it.

[spellslots]

Yeah, I. Yeah that's totally what I meant, good job.

[He's an ass.]

[eyeforaneye]

Fine. Then this line of inquiry is now a waste of time.

Who would vouch for you?

[spellslots]

Clark would. And Eddie. He's like, a cop, that's a reputable job isn't it?

[eyeforaneye]

[ There's a short pause here. ]

It is. If I speak to them, then, I'll ensure you're mentioned. In the meantime be more careful about interacting with other planes of existence.

[spellslots]

You're not my dad, I'll be as careless as I want!

[He was actually very careful but he likes being contrary.]

[eyeforaneye]

Siring you or anyone else should not be the determinator for whether or not I can be concerned about reckless techniques.

[spellslots]

[This is too much fun he's dying.]

It totally does, the only person who can tell me what to do is my dad and he's suuuuper dead so you're just shit outta luck, my dude

[eyeforaneye]

[ HE DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE... ]

Anyone can tell you anything, that includes me. If you do whatever you like and endanger others, though, eventually I'll pay you a visit. Just be careful.

[spellslots]

Are you threatening me? Please say yes this is getting funnier by the second.

[eyeforaneye]

Not yet. Have you always executed your spells successfully?

[spellslots]

Well, no cause then I'd be a fucking god, not a wizard.

But don't worry too much, pumpkin, the backfire's always on me.

[Maybe not every spell, but there's not a whole lot of spells he has that can go wrong in a way that would hurt other people.]

1/3

[eyeforaneye]

You're saying that like I should know the differences, but "wizards" aren't a well-known entity where I'm from.

2/3

[eyeforaneye]

3/3

[eyeforaneye]

And I'm not your pumpkin.

[ thank you jesus ]

[spellslots]

Sooo you don't know anything about wizards and yet here you are tryna lecture me about how I should be using my magic

[Nevermind that "be careful" is pretty general across the board.]

[eyeforaneye]

Yes.

[ Ah, perfect, we're finally on the same page. ]

[spellslots]

You're a fucking riot, my man.

[eyeforaneye]

The nature of the power is secondary to its effects and how its used.

[spellslots]

I mean, like, except for the fact where my spells can't like accidentally summon some eldritch horror or whatever the hell you're worried about, so the lecture is completely fucking pointless

[eyeforaneye]

What is "eldritch" and why are you typing out "like" that way?