DO NOT BUY FURNITURE FROM QUARANTINE CRAIGSLIST!!!! (un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

WARNING DO NOT BUY USED FURNITURE OFF THE NETWORK!! Some of the sellers here are VERY unscrupulous! I am now the proud owner of:

- 1 cursed endtable (IT KEEPS INSULTING MY MOTHER WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP??)

- 1 set of drawers that was housing a colony of space termites

- 1 mattress that is stained with either blood or cranberry juice or chocolate i'm not sure which. maybe all 3? now i have to sleep on a futon like i'm 19 yrs old again and it's KILLING my back

Anyway is anyone in the market for some gently used furniture?

[ jk jk he's not a big enough to dick to unload this NIGHTMARE FURNITURE onto anybody else. ]

Comments

[childofaxios]

I can come get you if it happens again, don't worry.

[ This is Chyler lowkey dragging you Jeff. ]

[bardish]

My hero!

[ IT'S FINE, YOU CAN DRAG HIM. He doesn't mind it. ]

how's your arm?
HOW'S YOUR DOG??

[childofaxios]

[ She actually laughs at those two questions, even if it's quietly. ]

My arm is fine. They applied some healing spells at the hospital. Dom is also fine.

[ A pause. ]

He's lying on my foot.

[bardish]

good, I'm glad.

Scratch his ears and tell him that's from me! (I know i know he won't be able to understand that but he's a good dog and he deserves an ear scratching)

[childofaxios]

[ She does exactly that, not that she will admit to Jeff that she did it. SHE HAS APPEARANCES TO MAINTAIN. ]

He seems to understand more than you would think. Maybe it's because of how I got him.

[bardish]

oh yeah? How'd you get him?

[ He just assumed, like, SHE WENT TO THE SPACE POUND FOR THIS DOG. ]

[childofaxios]

Someone gave me a flower, and I woke up the next day and he was there.

[ CASUALLY LEAVING OUT "AND THEN I WAS A CHILD." ]

[bardish]

so he...

He came from the flower?

[childofaxios]

That seems to be the case.

I'm not the only one it happened to. There were a lot of flowers that did a lot of different things. Most of the animals disappeared after a while, but he hasn't.

[ She's terrified that he will, not that she would admit it. She's seen three separate mages, magicians, wizards, whatever, and all of them told her that Dom is metaphysically stable. That doesn't stop her from worrying. ]

[bardish]

So it's like he's your familiar

i'm glad he stuck around for you

[childofaxios]

My familiar?

[ She dun pay enough attention to magic to know what that means. ]

[bardish]

A magical companion animal. back in the day people used to associate them with witches

(this is the HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED explanation glossing over centuries of nuance and regional & cultural differences!)

we don't actually have familiars though just fyi.

[ Well, not in that sense, anyway. "FAMILIAR" IS RUDE SLANG IN THE GIFTED COMMUNITY. ]

[childofaxios]

I don't know about magical.

[ Which is ridiculous as soon as she types it. ]

Maybe he showed up magically, but

[ A PAUSE. ]

He can seem to tell what I'm feeling.